I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
