You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
