O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
