drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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