Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
