So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
