Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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