sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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