I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
