batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
