I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize