The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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