Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
