I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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