I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize