so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
