My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
