i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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