im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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