I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
