dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
