ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
