I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
