Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Success! We fucked roommates!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
