i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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