Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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