Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
