whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
