No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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