sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
