Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize