So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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