Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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