She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
