i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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