Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
