listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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