Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
