I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
A bitchslap is in order.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
