Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
