Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
