I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
