they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
