you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
