if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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