In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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