there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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