Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
