So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
