So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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