that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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