Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
