I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
