I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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