I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
