some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
