Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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