Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
