Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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