so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
