Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
