so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
