This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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